I dreamt that I was at a cafe eating with my grade 8 science teacher. I went over to chat with my elementary guy friends who weren’t too far from Sandro, jae and Aaron. Sandro called me from the table and asked me to check if there were some free tables at the middle of the cafe from my angle. I couldn’t quite tell but I knew he didn’t ask me for no reason. Why would he speak to me all of a sudden? I figured he had a date. I was right. Even tho he was eating with the guys he was gonna eat again with this cute shy Spanish/Mexican chick. Lol fatass. I saw him call to her when she walked by and I accidentally bumped into her in the washroom omw out. When I came out of the washroom I saw that he was already at the new table laying out the food (rofl chicken nuggets and shit)
I laid in bed longer than I should, just thinking about what I could have done in that situation. I imagined having a guy approach me and take my mind off of him and that girl. Honestly, my feelings are still somewhat there for the AC. I miss him and there are many times where I just wish we were still together because I missed how cute and adorable he was, that his smile and his laughter and his pleasure was because of me but it’s not the case anymore because we aren’t together and he doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
It hurts because I feel like this is my fault but I know for a fact that it was because we just both weren’t compatible for each other but I can’t help but keep thinking that it was my fault that it didn’t work out that I pushed too much for his affections and that pushed him away.
I don’t know what to do with myself and I don’t know if I can bear the thought of seeing him with another girl, it would just hurt too much. I know he’s seen me with other guys and I wonder if he’s had any poor opinions of me since then and it was sort of done just to spite him and to feel better about myself but I still truly miss him because I guess I just don’t have anyone else to compare to because he is my first legitimate boyfriend.